deeep breath, deeeeep breath...

[sigerson]

Do I really want to do this?
Do I really want to apply to grad school?

Knowing that it entails: alienation; five or more years without job experience or savings; big debt pile; uncertain job status; stress; terrifying possibility of distance from beloved; other terrifying possibility of being five years in and discovering I hate all this; fear of discovering that I suck; no guarantees of job, money, stability; having to push back other life plans ten years or so; self-doubt; angst; more angst; angst, angst, angst, angst, bacon, and angst; and pudding.

Well, I think the pudding is optional at HDS, at least.

Jeez.

(pacing floor)
(quaffing tea in a preoccupied sort of way)
(being scared again...as usual)


Dammit, I do. I do want this. I do want to learn more and preach and teach and yell and research and think and argue and hear and...well, I don't want to schmooze but I guess I have to, and use my BRAAAIIN!

Remind me of this in six months. And then in six years.

Comments

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Is it in the stars this year, or what? Because sanj is thinking semi-seriously about Starr-King or other UU equivalent, and I'm thinking semi-seriously about the Aleph rabbinic ordination program again...

You can do this. You can so do this. And you're going to be amazing at it. You and Beloved can handle this. Debt can be overcome. There's all kinds of jobs that open up for one with a Div School degree, from teaching to counseling to actual ministry stuff.

And also? If you decide now isn't the time? Leveling in cleric can happen at any time in one's life, really. It's possible that the older we get, the better we'd be at this -- which means if we decide to, or have to, postpone it for five years or ten years or twenty years, it'll still be there, and we'll still be the right people for the job.

*HUG* Ping me if you want to talk. This is much on my mind of late, too, so I'd love to hear more about what you're thinking!