deeep breath, deeeeep breath...

[sigerson]

Do I really want to do this?
Do I really want to apply to grad school?

Knowing that it entails: alienation; five or more years without job experience or savings; big debt pile; uncertain job status; stress; terrifying possibility of distance from beloved; other terrifying possibility of being five years in and discovering I hate all this; fear of discovering that I suck; no guarantees of job, money, stability; having to push back other life plans ten years or so; self-doubt; angst; more angst; angst, angst, angst, angst, bacon, and angst; and pudding.

Well, I think the pudding is optional at HDS, at least.

Jeez.

(pacing floor)
(quaffing tea in a preoccupied sort of way)
(being scared again...as usual)


Dammit, I do. I do want this. I do want to learn more and preach and teach and yell and research and think and argue and hear and...well, I don't want to schmooze but I guess I have to, and use my BRAAAIIN!

Remind me of this in six months. And then in six years.

Comments

[ellinor.livejournal.com]

...and this is applying. You can always change your mind. But you probably won't.
And I think pudding is a plus.

smiles -

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Is it in the stars this year, or what? Because sanj is thinking semi-seriously about Starr-King or other UU equivalent, and I'm thinking semi-seriously about the Aleph rabbinic ordination program again...

You can do this. You can so do this. And you're going to be amazing at it. You and Beloved can handle this. Debt can be overcome. There's all kinds of jobs that open up for one with a Div School degree, from teaching to counseling to actual ministry stuff.

And also? If you decide now isn't the time? Leveling in cleric can happen at any time in one's life, really. It's possible that the older we get, the better we'd be at this -- which means if we decide to, or have to, postpone it for five years or ten years or twenty years, it'll still be there, and we'll still be the right people for the job.

*HUG* Ping me if you want to talk. This is much on my mind of late, too, so I'd love to hear more about what you're thinking!

[naomichana.livejournal.com]

Pudding's good. Well, good pudding is good. Bad pudding is awful. And awful pudding is okay, because you can use it in food fights, and -- where was I? Oh, yes.

What I meant to say is that I came over from kassrachel's journal, and I am now very curious as to whether you're heading for ministry or academia or trying to keep options open for both, because the tracks are subtly but interestingly different. Also, I know loads of people who've done one or (occasionally) both, if you are in need of any further testimonies. (I went the full academic track at the large, obvious place in the upper Midwest, and am now working towards tenure. I sometimes think I might still do the rabbinical thing someday, but I'm very happy with what I learned.)

[sigerson.livejournal.com]

Ooo..awful pudding...

I am innnnterested...I am headed for academia, I think, cuz most pagans are not interested in being preached at. (Though I think most are also okay with the idea of "ministry"...I just think of my academic pursuits as well as my manual work as my ministry.) I'm checking out schools right now, for fall application. There is a large place in the Midwest that has caught my eye, Eliade'd and all. What are the differences between each? What's the advantage in keeping options open--or does that hinder choosing one over the other?

Actually, I have enough questions that I don't want to litter LJ with a pageload of 'em...

[naomichana.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that large place. ;) I've always felt that one of the advantages to being Jewish is that the tradition doesn't really distinguish between teaching/study and ministry -- the distinction is essentially Christian in the first place. No reason pagans can't come to the same conclusion.

I'd be happy to talk more about my take on grad schools; why don't you email me? Either naomichana@yahoo.com or ask Rachel for my Real Person email. (I graduated from our mutual alma mater in her year.)

[sanj.livejournal.com]

OK, officially, we really have to talk. Like, why don't we meet in NoHo for brunch sometime soon? Do you have my phone number?

I think there's no question that you really have a calling to some kind of priestesshood. The questions are, how do you answer it? And when? I think you've got good answers, and I also think HDS is a great place to wrestle with them. (If you decide to go into academia you can take the MTS and go on for a Ph.D., for example.)

But I keep coming back to where there's fear, there's power, and it's a really scary choice but one I think you ultimately will make, one way or another. I think you're really brave for staring it in the eye right now.