She's leaving home...
Jun. 27th, 2004 08:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sigersonLast Wednesday was my last day of work at the theater. I finished a duplicate pair of breeches, ran out to get the designer some coffee, and called the rest of the day a personal day.
It wasn't hard at all. But I was surprised that it wasn't as easy as I expected, either. A weird tight feeling settled into my lungs on Monday, and still seems to wrap around my chest when I reflect that I am not returning there.
I expected a sensation of freedom, perhaps; and that was there. I realized, as I left the building for the last time as an Employee, that I had spent as much time there as at college. Four years--with summers off. With a far smaller group of people, day in and day out. Of course it was more difficult than I thought to leave; good or ill, this place had become a second home. Coming to work at seven in the morning, being the first to open up the shop, starting the day with an hour of my own music and a cup of coffee, getting my best work done before another person enters the room.
Now I'm off. As I felt when I arrived there, I feel now: that I'm being called on. However, I think I don't get any more freebies from Her. Now it's my own muscle that I need. This would have terrified me a year ago. I know I'm stronger now. Hell, I was stronger then, too--just nervous and unwilling to take the step.
I walked into that position, eyes open, experimenting with my life. Then I forgot that it was an experiment, not necessarily a career. Now? The experiment was a success; let's try another, clearer path. With the grace of the Lady and a long-handled spoon, I'm off!
(Since then, my younger sib has gained CAR!!, a week's worth of temp work has materialized joyfully, a lack of indoor plumbing has been experienced, and a weekend was spent with my cousin Myra, full of sweetness and strawberry Quik. But more on that later.)
It wasn't hard at all. But I was surprised that it wasn't as easy as I expected, either. A weird tight feeling settled into my lungs on Monday, and still seems to wrap around my chest when I reflect that I am not returning there.
I expected a sensation of freedom, perhaps; and that was there. I realized, as I left the building for the last time as an Employee, that I had spent as much time there as at college. Four years--with summers off. With a far smaller group of people, day in and day out. Of course it was more difficult than I thought to leave; good or ill, this place had become a second home. Coming to work at seven in the morning, being the first to open up the shop, starting the day with an hour of my own music and a cup of coffee, getting my best work done before another person enters the room.
Now I'm off. As I felt when I arrived there, I feel now: that I'm being called on. However, I think I don't get any more freebies from Her. Now it's my own muscle that I need. This would have terrified me a year ago. I know I'm stronger now. Hell, I was stronger then, too--just nervous and unwilling to take the step.
I walked into that position, eyes open, experimenting with my life. Then I forgot that it was an experiment, not necessarily a career. Now? The experiment was a success; let's try another, clearer path. With the grace of the Lady and a long-handled spoon, I'm off!
(Since then, my younger sib has gained CAR!!, a week's worth of temp work has materialized joyfully, a lack of indoor plumbing has been experienced, and a weekend was spent with my cousin Myra, full of sweetness and strawberry Quik. But more on that later.)
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no subject
Date: 2004-06-28 05:34 am (UTC)When do you take off from the area? I'd love a chance to se you before you go!
no subject
Date: 2004-06-28 05:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-28 05:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-28 09:48 pm (UTC)