it's sleepier than I am!

[sigerson]

My computer has, in the last two months, become so sloooooowwwww. Slow enough that it took it about twelve minutes to go from hibernate to active this morning.

I will bake a loaf of bread (or make an apple pie) for any person willing to come over and try to fix my poor slow laptop, Half-n-Clowns, in situ. Is it spyware? Viruses? programs not updated enough? something horrible and hardware-related that costs more than the computer itself?

Or maybe it just needs coffee. Do I pour it right on the keyboard or hook up a USB (Universal StarBucks) port?

Comments

[ethicsgradient.livejournal.com]

Bummer. I hate windows. People often suggest defragmenting as a possible solution to sluggishness that has crept in over time. Also, if you have very little free space you may sometimes encounter issues.

I have no experience with spyware and the like, but I'm told there are programs that help scan for and remove it. Unless you're installing a lot of random crap you download I wouldn't think spyware is much of an issue, though you never know. I'm told that there is some free Microsoft anti-spyware program, possibly called Windows Defender, but my information is somewhat out of date.

Also, if you don't run the windows updates periodically, it couldn't hurt to do so. I'd be happy to spend a little time with your computer and try to rehabilitate it, as would Jess, I'm sure, though I don't know how comfortable you are with people poking around in your stuff....burning all your pr0n to CD is a good idea anyway, since then it's not taking up valuable disk space :P

[2h2o.livejournal.com]

Ad-Aware is a good spyware removal utility, and free.

My dad's computer died this sort of slow death, but he's pretty incompetent and refused to let me help, so I have no idea what the problem might have been.

[heef.livejournal.com]

I recommend using all of the following, because they each detect/remove spyware and malware that the others don't:

Norton AntiVirus
Ad-aware (free)
Spybot Search & Destroy (free)
Coolweb Shredder (free)
Windows Defender (free so long as your Windows copy is valid)
Windows Firewall or ZoneAlarm

Unfortunately, spyware and malware can install themselves, at times, through browser hijacks, VB scripts if you use Outlook, and other nasty ways, particularly if you're running without a firewall. You don't necessarily need to have downloaded much.

Defragmenting isn't really an issue - Windows does it itself these days.

Download the programs, install them all, run their internal update-to-most-recent-definitions things, then do the following:

• Reboot into Safe Mode (*not* with networking) by pressing F8 during the first part of your boot.
  
• Run each of the programs - set them to as thorough a search as they allow, and only run one at a time. Full virus scan, full adware scan, etc.
  
• Reboot.

If it's still slow, download HijackThis, which is a Windows registry, BHO, and DLL checker - all it does is detect what is running on your system when it boots up, runs IE, etc., and email me the results - I'm happy to look and see if there's anything else in there that needs Total Destruction.

[ppaladin.livejournal.com]

Heef's suggestions sound pretty comprehensive. I'd also volunteer to poke around in your computer at some point, if its still slow after running through his programs.

[sigerson.livejournal.com]

Will do. In fact, I'll spend all of Saturday morning working on this. Thank you for the plan!

[heef.livejournal.com]

Any luck?

[sigerson.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the info! I may take you up on the offer, depending on what happens when I run the sequence suggested by heef.

*scribbling*...burn...pr0n...to cd...

[dafne99.livejournal.com]

I'd be willing to whore out my husband to fix it for you if you'd pay for the airfare. ;)

[sigerson.livejournal.com]

Mmmmm, airplane-enabled computer whore...

[wavyarms.livejournal.com]

I'll come over. I ask for pie. Also, I can't get there until sometime next week, b/c of crazy schedule. Next Monday afternoon or Tuesday evening (Tuesday's better) both work.

I recommend the USB port rather than the direct keyboard method until then.

[sigerson.livejournal.com]

Your pie will be baked Tuesday night! Give me details about time of arrival and we will work it out. Also, you rule.

[anacrucis.livejournal.com]

I had a coworker who tried the coffee solution with her laptop. It didn't go so well :)

[Once the coffee dried out, things went fine. Until the sugar finally ate through her motherboard 6 months later...]

[sigerson.livejournal.com]

Did the sugar make chewing noises? I hope it made chewing noises.

[anacrucis.livejournal.com]

very, very quiet ones