deeep breath, deeeeep breath...

[sigerson]

Do I really want to do this?
Do I really want to apply to grad school?

Knowing that it entails: alienation; five or more years without job experience or savings; big debt pile; uncertain job status; stress; terrifying possibility of distance from beloved; other terrifying possibility of being five years in and discovering I hate all this; fear of discovering that I suck; no guarantees of job, money, stability; having to push back other life plans ten years or so; self-doubt; angst; more angst; angst, angst, angst, angst, bacon, and angst; and pudding.

Well, I think the pudding is optional at HDS, at least.

Jeez.

(pacing floor)
(quaffing tea in a preoccupied sort of way)
(being scared again...as usual)


Dammit, I do. I do want this. I do want to learn more and preach and teach and yell and research and think and argue and hear and...well, I don't want to schmooze but I guess I have to, and use my BRAAAIIN!

Remind me of this in six months. And then in six years.

Comments

[naomichana.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that large place. ;) I've always felt that one of the advantages to being Jewish is that the tradition doesn't really distinguish between teaching/study and ministry -- the distinction is essentially Christian in the first place. No reason pagans can't come to the same conclusion.

I'd be happy to talk more about my take on grad schools; why don't you email me? Either naomichana@yahoo.com or ask Rachel for my Real Person email. (I graduated from our mutual alma mater in her year.)